so i've come to the conclusion that my eagerness and desire to expand my relationships beyond familial realms is solely based on my need to share the love that my parents and family have saturated, drenched, and infused me with. no lie i am overwhelmed by the love i have received in my lifetime thus far. perhaps sadly or unfortunately that is my only heart's desire -to share love. not just any love, but unconditional love, which is all i have within me. i tell you not a lie. this is my calling -to love. revelation. i believe this is what is being communicated to me, but anyhow i think my calling is being disrupted by the world i live in. or i need to challenge my thinking of whom i pour my unconditional love with. perhaps its not solely meant for man... but meant for the cause. as my dear friend has reminded me not only will i be tied to man but, before him i've been tied to the cause, that i haven't been made so readily to love. but it has now been revealed to me that this is my calling. to love, to pour the love that overflows my cup into the hands of love. i will hear your voice, who calls to my love. and i realize the seriousness of this calling, thus not one drop can be wasted. so as tempting as it may be i can only experience this sharing with whom its meant for and no one else. what i do know is that i must share this with self first. what i do know is that i can be filled with love and be completely remiss of the powers i have because of that. and that includes my power to love myself b4 anyone else. i'll let you know when my love affair can be shared beyond the walls of my extremities.